How To: Not Die in May; Step by Step Tutorial (Guys this is just a joke)


Step 1: Stay inside. This is a very simple and important because you don’t want to get the Corona. The only Corona you should be catching is a beer for all of this chaos. If you really need food, don’t bother going to the store. just find some of that ceiling popcorn and chow on that, no big deal.

Step 2: Don’t freak out. If you freak out your blood pressure will rise and you will explode from the top down. So please don’t freak out, especially considering Corona has an 83% Recovery rate and only a 0.04% mortality rate, but that doesn’t mean you wont die from it. Haha just kidding… Unless?

Step 3: Don’t believe in tax fraud yet. You don’t have to pay bills yet. Your parents do that job. So if you want money, just do some chores. A little dough won’t hurt you… unless you shove a coin down your throat and choke and die, but other than that you’ll be just fine, so do some chores.

Step 4: Take this as a joke. Just like the Pentagon posting obviously fake pictures of some random kids kite, don’t believe it is a UFO. We’re not kids. We are just some 3 inch taller kids. We know not to believe those pictures…

Ok I looked at them for a minute and they looked a bit real. OKAY MAY CHILL OUT…

Ok, so that was my totally legit tutorial on how to survive May. Seeya!